Dear Diary
by Nowronginmyeyes
Summary: Diary entries from a kidnapped Edward Cullen, Who is slowly going insane. Oneshot, Dark, Character death, Suicide, Angst, Just really sad in general.


**Edward point of view.  
One shot.  
Review? I'm new to the community, and I'm curious if anyone is interested in dark.**

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_Dear diary,_

_I awoke in a room with 3 other people. A room of all white, with no windows. There was a curtain surrounding a toilet, sink and bathtub. There were mattresses on the floor, and it seems like I was the last to wake up. I searched my pockets and found you, hidden in the inside pocket of my jacket. They have taken everything else from me, including my phone, wallet, and suitcase. Looking around, it seemed everyone is in the same boat I am. On one side of the room sits a man and woman, the man had dark brown hair and brown eyes, and held the blond woman tight in his arms. He doesn't trust me. The other man is a thin framed curly haired blond boy, who seems to be my age._

_"So." I asked, clearing my throat," Does anyone know why we are here?"_

_"No." came the unison reply of the couple, and I turned my stare to the blond man who lay motionless on his bed._

_"No." he whispered. I frowned._

_Diary, normally when people are kidnapped, there is a motive. But I can find no connections between the four of us. The couple known as Peter and Charlotte are travelers and have been married for years. The quiet blond boy is named Jasper; raised in the south, up in New York only to visit his sister. I am a medical student at one of the best colleges in the nation. There are no connections._

_Without the windows, Diary, it's impossible to tell the time. None of us want to sleep, but we find ourselves closing our eyes anyway. I'm afraid to sleep. I'm afraid of what might happen. But something bothers me more than that Diary._

_I write this while everyone else is sleeping, but not everyone is peaceful. Jasper's wheezing chest is rising up and down, struggling for breath. Diary, Jasper is asthmatic and I doubt he has his medication. We need to get out of here._

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_Day 2_

_Diary, I will start numbering the 'days' according to periods of sleep. I woke to screaming, and launched up. Jasper was clutching his chest, counting his breaths slowly, while Peter was being held back by Charlotte. There was a glint of metal between them, and I launched to grab the knife on the floor. I held it with shaking hands and looked to Peter for an explanation._

_"Jasper had it. He was holding it when I woke up. That fucker was going to-" he screamed, but Jasper interrupted with a fit of coughs._

_"I found it. Under my mattress." He wheezed, and sat slowly on his bed. Diary, I wish Jasper had been lying. It would have been so much easier if he was the one responsible, but I looked in his eyes and only saw fear._

_"Peter. Check under your mattress." I said shakily, as I walked to my own. I reached under and felt the cool tip of a knife. Peter looked back at me with wide eyes, revealing two knives, both hidden under his mattress."_

_"I….Jasper..." Peter started but Jasper just held up his hand, still counting his breaths, and shook his head._

_"Edward." Charlotte said, and I turned to see her with tears in her eyes.  
"Edward. Why... Why would they give us all knives?" I didn't reply._

_Diary, I write to you while everyone is asleep again. The knives all went under Peter's mattress because the two could watch them better than one. But why were there knives anyway? It's starting to become clear that this isn't a normal hostage kidnapping situation. I'm starting to think there is no motive._

_Diary. I have a bad feeling that things are going to get really bad._

_

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_Day 3_

_Diary, We awoke to food, nicely stacked in the center of the room. The fact someone had slipped in without any of us noticing left chills down my spine, but I couldn't deny my hunger. However Jasper didn't come over to eat and I felt guilt hit me as the rest of us ate greedily. I walked to him, and sat on the edge of his bed._

_"Jasper. Who knows when the next time they'll bring us food is. Please eat." I said, and tried to hand him a sandwich. He stared blankly at the sandwich, and then back at me._

_"Edward. Can you do me a favor?" he asked, voice small. I nodded, and he leaned forward, wrapping his arms around me. Diary, I didn't know how to react. So I wrapped my hands around him and held him tightly, rubbing his back slightly. Peter looked over to me, meeting my eye. He gave me a slight nod, and I stared back at him in wonder._

_Jasper didn't eat. He curled in a ball and didn't move all day, I found myself watching him with worry, and it didn't go unnoticed by Peter. When Charlotte had fallen asleep, he came by me, and sat close to talk quietly._

_"Edward. I don't think we're going to get out of this anytime soon." He said bluntly, and I nodded.  
"I don't think Jasper's okay." He said quietly, eyeing his thin form, and I nodded._

_"He has asthma. Either moderate or severe. If he has an asthma attack, I'm not sure I could calm him enough to…"my voice broke, and I ran a hand through my unwashed copper hair._

_I felt an arm around my shoulder, and Peter gave me a crooked smile.  
"Just watch him. He needs someone, and so do you."_

_Diary, his words are true. I need someone. But I'm afraid. What if I can't save him? What happens if we are stuck here?_

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_Day 4_

_Diary, this room is taking its toll. Charlotte freaked out today, and began throwing herself against the wall. She clipped her head on the sink, and gave herself a gash. It wasn't too deep but it didn't matter. She was panicking, and had nowhere to go. Peter wrapped his arms around her, and held her still while I examined her wound, while Jasper watched with wide eyes. I pulled Peter aside, and ran a hand through my hair._

_"Peter. She's fine…I mean. Her head's fine. But…" I paused, looking at my feet. He cleared his throat and beckoned me to continue._

_"Once you have a panic attack like that…probably onset from claustrophobia….They're not going to stop…It's only going to get worse."_

_Peter didn't say anything after that. He took Charlotte into the shower, and closed the curtain, whispering sweet nothings in her ear. I shook slightly, and walked to Jasper. He looked at me with curious eyes, and I felt myself break._

_"I need you to repay that favor." I whispered, and he wrapped his arms around me, tight. I silently cried into his shoulder, and he stayed strong for me. And though he only held me for a few minutes, the heat stayed with me all night._

_Diary. Things are getting worse. We can't tell time. We don't know when our next meal will be. Charlotte is starting to have panic attacks, and Peter won't talk to me anymore. I'm scared. Please God. Please._

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_Day 5 or 6._

_Diary, I can't tell the day anymore. But I know something happened last night or yesterday. There was a needle mark on my arm, and I was injected with something. I woke up dizzy, and looked to see if everyone else was okay. My heart stopped when I saw the blood on Jaspers face, and on his sheets. I stood, and ignored the sickness that hit me. I ran to him, cradling him in my arms, tears in my eyes. He was breathing, but the gash on his head didn't look good. It was deep, like he had been hit by something blunt. I shook him slightly, and he didn't wake up. I examined his arms, and saw multiple needle marks. "No. No. No. Not and overdose. Please God."_

_Diary. I will give anything for him to wake up. I just want to see him awake._

_I called to Peter who snapped up like being woken from a bad dream. Ironically, he was waking to the bad dream. He came to me, and froze when he saw Jasper.  
"Please." I cried, voice breaking. "I need a wet towel." He retuned quickly, and I wiped the blood from Jasper's head, and hair. He was so pale. I wiped my face, noticing the tears that were running down my cheeks. I stayed next to him all day Diary. I stayed next to him while Charlotte screamed and panicked again. I stayed next to him when Peter said he needed a word with me.  
For some reason. I need him to be okay. I need him._

_Diary. I am in hell._

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_Day somewhere after a week, day 8 or 9_

_Diary.  
He woke up;_

_He woke up and looked into my eyes, and smiled. And I kissed him. I kissed him gently on his forehead._

_Charlotte's thrashing is getting worse. She's hitting walls, and when she's not sleeping, she's freaking out. Peter hasn't slept in two days, and you can see his dark circles from across the room._

_"Edward." Jasper called, and I directed my attention back at him.  
"Edward. I saw them. They thought I was asleep, but I saw them. I heard their names." He whispered, and I stilled._

_There was a man and a woman, he said. The man was named James, and he had long blond hair, pulled into a pony. The woman was named Victoria who had long red hair. Jasper said they had come in to deliver food, but when they noticed he was awake, panicked. Victoria gave everyone a shot of something, while James tried to subdue Jasper. He said James hit him over the head with his gun, and held him down while Victoria injected him 3 times._

_He said he had asked why. They had only smiled._

_I pulled Jasper into my arms, holding him tight. I begged him never to leave me again, and he promised, holding me as tight as I held him. But he was tired, and I let him go to sleep. I went to my own bed to sleep when I saw Charlotte holding a knife, and pointing it at Peter._

_My heart stopped. I stayed still, and watched Peter coo it from her hands, until she gave it to him, and collapsed crying. Peter turned to me, all color drained from his face. I motioned him over, and he sat close to me.  
"Peter…she..." I started but he interrupted him.  
"I know."  
"She…She's dangerous. We can't let…"  
"I know."  
I sighed, and ran a hand through my hair. He turned to me, and forced me meet his eyes.  
"Take care of Jasper." He said, and my eyebrows furrowed. I was taking care of Jasper.  
"We'll talk in the morning?" I asked, and he nodded._

_Diary, I have a bad feeling in my stomach. I have a bad feeling._

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_Day 10 maybe._

_Diary. The blood. There's blood everywhere. Peter and Charlotte are in the bathtub. God. I tried to save them. There is blood everywhere. They're dead. No note. Nothing. They're dead._

_I screamed at the top of my lungs. I threw myself against the wall. Jasper tried to comfort me, but he saw the blood. It was all over. It was on my arms._

_They came through the door, and I didn't fight it. I welcomed the sting of their shot, and smiled welcoming the darkness._

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_I can't tell the date anymore. Diary. I woke to the room completely clean, everything smelled like bleach. I though I had just woke up from when they injected me, but when I asked Jasper if he was okay, he looked at me like I was a ghost._

_"You haven't talked in a week maybe longer." He whispered. I thought he was lying. I thought it was a joke. But diary, there was a weeks worth of food sitting in the middle of the floor._

_Diary. I think I am losing my mind._

_Jasper hasn't eaten. His bones are showing through his shirt. I bring him food, and beg for him to eat, only then noticing my own hunger. He looks at me, and then runs his hands down my body._

_"You're alive..." he says softly. I wanted to reply, but his lips were suddenly on mine. I kissed him back, clinging to him with as much strength as I could manage. My hands ran up and down his thin body. I kissed his neck gently, and pulled him beneath me on the bed. Our chapped lips met each other, and his cheeks were wet with tears._

_"Don't leave me again." He begged, clinging to me.  
"You just stared at the wall. I thought you were…"_

_I silenced him with a kiss, and we held each other for hours._

_Diary. If this is heaven, then it's okay. If this is hell, don't take him away.

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`It must be around a month now Diary.  
No windows. No time. No way to tell if we're still alive._

_I got Jasper to eat, and I ate as well. We took a shower together, crying as we washed the filth off our bodies in the same place our friends had died. His lips met mine in the shower, and we held each other close. His hand ran its way down my member and it wasn't long before I came. I kissed his neck and we stayed in the shower until the water went cold._

_We sleep in one bed now, starring into each others eyes at waking moments, and waking each other from nightmares at night._

_Diary just let me keep this angel. Let me be happy. Diary. Save us._

_I stopped counting the days._

_I woke up to Jasper crying. I asked him what was wrong. He told me I hadn't spoken in 3 days. He had been begging me to speak for 3 days._

_I'm blacking out. I'm losing control.  
_

_God. If you are in heaven, if you exist at all let me keep my sanity for Jasper._

_Diary. Are you god? You are god. These words are my prayers to you. And like god, you don't reply._

_Please. Please.  
Diary.  


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_Diary. I woke to see Jasper starring at me with dark eyes. I knew what had happened. I asked him how long I had been out. He told me a week. I apologized and kissed him. He started crying._

_"Why do you get to retreat to some fake fucking world" he screamed.  
"I want to get away."_

_I told him I didn't go anywhere. I told him it was the absence of something, and the next thing I realized I was talking to him again._

_He told me the absence of consciousness is death._

_Diary. I am dying. And it happens again.  
_

_I woke up to see Jasper screaming. His thin arms were scratching at his arms and his face. Blood. He had cuts everywhere. I grabbed his arms, and he screamed.  
"My fucking skin itches. It fucking hurts Edward. I need it off. "He yelled, gasping._

_No. Not now._

_His chest spasmed and I watched as his breaths became shallower and shallower._

_No. Diary. Please. Please. Diary._

_I kissed his face, begging him to calm down. I put my hand on his chest counting breaths for him out loud._

_"Jasper don't leave me." I screamed. But his breathes began to stop, I looked into his eyes, and found calm. His shaking hand intertwined with mine and he held my tight. And then the squeezing stopped, and his eyes were empty._

_I haven't let go of his hand Diary.  
But I'm ready to die. Kill me. I dare you God._

_And fade to black  


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_Diary, I woke up in a hospice room. The date is 2011. It's been two years. The nurse walks in, and notices my eyes. She panics and calls the doctor._

_The doctor tries to ask me questions. I'm not listening. He's saying something about it being random. About how it was chance that it happened to me. They say they caught the people responsible. But I'm not interested. I look to him, and laugh, and he freezes._

_"I was a doctor once." I said quietly. "But I couldn't save him. I wasn't a good Doctor."_

_"You couldn't save who Edward?" he asks. His name tag says Cullen._

_"I want paper. I want paper and a pen and I want to be left alone." I demanded, and they gave it to me._

_Diary, I am nothing anymore. I am but a shadow. I shut the curtains in my room, and I am writing this to you to complete this story. And as this blood escapes my wrists I want you to know that I see Charlotte and Peter and they are happy. And I see Jasper, and he is smiling. I died in that room, and today I finally get to go home._

_-Edward Cullen._


End file.
